Labyrinth of Miracles

I am the person I am today because of the life I lived along the way. But there is a person inside of me screaming to be set free. Wishing for another chance to prove I can do the dance. She tries to stifle me at every change to stop my growth with a glance. i will prevail and I will grow I will not be stifled and I will not fail. Waiting for another chance to prove that I can do the dance. I will stand strong I will not brake I will not cower nor I will not cry my spirit will not be broken for I would die. Waiting for that next change to prove that I can do the dance. She has no power over me she cannot brake me nor will I flee Her lies will not diminish me My life is mine for me to be free. I can do the dance I have no need of a second chance.

Who knew when relationships would become the cornerstone of your life?   The ones we make as adult are so different from the ones we made in high school.  I don't remember any of the ones from high school or do I want to reestablish any of them.  They were long ago and far away and very superficial.  The ones I make today define my world!  They are the people I turn to  when I am in crisis.  The ones I know that will hold my hand and see me through the issues that are dragging me down and derailing my life.  I am so thankful for those relationships I have made as an adult and those that I have found again after many years.  Fostering them and staying in contact whether across the street or across the country has become very important to me.  Just knowing I can call and cry on someones shoulder about the daily turmoil in my life is like having a refreshin tig breach of air.  They  let me now that  my life is worth  living and that there is something better just around the corner if

The quagmire just keeps getting deeper and deeper.  Am wondering just how deep it can go.  The CEO is laying out her demands and getting uglier day by day.  She can't stand it that we are there for dad and her family won't come around.  She is trying to blame it all on us saying they don't feel welcome.  It isn't us!  Sherry had always gone out of her way to entertain the CEO's family when they come around.  Even though she would rather not!  We are being pushed away but by bit as the CEO wants total control over dad.  I really think we are going to push back.  Dad told Sherry that they don't need anyone to come stay with them when she goes home.  Except that is really the CEO's edict.  She thinks she can take care of dad by herself.  She can't see, she can't drive and she doesn't like to cook much.  She creates a horrible mess when she does cook and she can't see well enough to know that.  Her latest remark is that she passed out during the

So, dad had a visitor this afternoon.  An unexpected visitor of the four legged furry kind.  Sherry said they were all sitting at the table when she looked outside and saw a bear in the front yard.  She said to dad, "you have a visitor out front, a bear!"  he didn't believe her so she repeated it.  "there is a bear in the front yard."  so he looked out and sure enough a bear was out there looking for something to eat I am sure.  He had bent the sheppards hook that had thisle seed hanging from it.  Sherry went out on the deck and talked to him and he was not the least bit afraid of her.  He even attempted to come up the deck steps so we are wondering if he will be on the deck tonight.  She also said he attempted to go in the gargage and she shot over him three times before he decided to leave.  Just going over the the neighbors to the east.  He came back once and was checking out the firepit.  She did call the sheriff to find out what to do if he refuses to go aw

June 15, 2016 When talking to my sister the other day the subject of home came up.  Where is home?  When did you know it was home?   What makes it home?   The place, the people or is it just a feeling?  I knew where I live was home when I came here to help take care of my grandmother when she was dying.  The property has been in our family for over 100 years and we spend many summers in this area when we were growing up but I did not realize that this piece of "dirt" was home until 1998 when I was here caring for my grandmother.  I am not sure what it was that was the catalyst but something made this piece of property become "home" the only place that had a lifelong connection to family.  It was a feeling, a calling of the land that told me I was home.  It was then that I knew I wanted to be here on this property when I retired from work.  My roots are deep in this piece of property as well as my heart strings.  They go deep and spread across the eighty acres that

June 11, 2016 Today would have been my parents 72nd wedding anniversary and tomorrow I will be 699!  We wish mom had survived to celebrate this anniversary and all the ones in between.  I wish she had survived as we would not be having all the conflict that we are having in our big family.  Probably would not have changed anything with my brother but maybe Susie wouldn't have felt so estranged from the rest of us and been more willing to be a part of the family.  I have tried over the years to include her in activities but she just comes off as not wanting to be here or angry that she isn't the one in charge.  Mom once told me that Susie was the most like me and couldn't I talk to her, it didn't work!  Susie resents me the most and I sometimes think it is only because I am the oldest.  She has told lies about me for so long she actually believes them to be the truth.  I know because my daughter has in the past questioned me about them or told me what was said. Sherr

June 9, 2016 Last night dad called to thank Ruth for the magentic Tiger Baseball schedule and to ask her if she would like to go to the casino today.  He didn"t ask if I wanted to go until this morning.  He said to Sherry he didn't ask because he knows I don't care to go to the Casino.  I have never been able to understand why he thought that as I have always been very careful to not say anything about not liking to go to the Casino.  Besides Sherry doesn't like to go any better than I do.  We are done gambeling after we lose about $40 each.  Which sometimes doesn't take very long.  And going to the Casino is not always about the gambleing as it is about spending time with my sister.  So glad Ruth was with us as she listened to the CEO's non-stop talking and she actually turn enough to show that she was not interested in have any conversation with me at all.  So I pretended to sleep on the way home!  We did come to the conclusion that maybe the CEO put it out

Today Sherry is taking dad to a medical appointment, a follow-up appointment after his hospital stay and I have been asked by dad to not go.  Which was prompted by the CEO saying she did not want me going to the appointment.  She said "the doctor doesn't like it when so many of us show up and ask to many questions"  which we know is just the CEO's saying she doesn't want me to go.  It has not been a problem when she isn't here and the doctors have been more than willing to talk to us and we do not all ask questions. Generally it is Sherry or I who ask the questions as we are the two who are here for the most part.  Even Susie has stated that I need to be here as I know more of dads medical history that she does!  But for dads sake I will not go and Sherry with get the scoop and fill us in. Friday, Sherry asked the CEO if I could ride with them to watch Camden play baseball, was going to be his last game pitching in high school.  the CEO went off on me, quest

A new poem for Anne on her vacation. By the sand I sit, By the sand I write The ocean  sounds to my ears delight As I sit on the beach and wiggle my toes Beaches and sand give my heart joy I bask in the glorious bright sunlight When I lay down my head for a restful night The sound of the surf makes me feel safe and secure As I dream of my mountains far to the west Those of my adopted Evergreen state.

June 5, 2016 Sorry folks but this post is going to be a bitch session!  I need to let off some steam and no one wants to hear what I have to say or how I feel.  So looks like it will be you but you can at least skip this post and wait until the next time. It seem the CEO is pulling the string again.  She has decided that I should not be included in my dads next doctor appointment.  And unfortunately dad has ask that I not go as he doesn't want to get beat up anymore by her.  Yesterday it was my nephew"s baseball game.  She decided I didn't need to go to that either, would have meant riding with her and dad over to Harrison, so she let Sherry know that I was not to be included.  In fact she told Sherry I was the worst trouble maker in the family.  That she could line up a whole lot of people from this area that would agree with her and that I talked to about her.  Sherry told her to line them up!  Of course she had to back down on that.  It seems that her son and I are

April 20, 2016 I arrived to sick kids in Alaska, again!  Some virus that is making the rounds.  The only one who seems to feel good is Asher.  Maybel was okay the day I got here but all downhill from then.  Karyn has gone to bed and said dinner is up to me.  Chicken nuggets and tater tot it is, as I think the kids might eat them.   I have been to town two days in a row to pick up meds and a few groceries.  Of course I went to Joann Fabrics for some supplies there too especially as their big sale was underway.  Today I saved $145, mainly of patterns as they are so expensive.  They were 1.00 a piece so I picked up five.  Mostly sizes for me. Made mom's peanut butter cookies for the kids but not sure they will even eat them.  Good thing the recipe is only for two dozen small cookies.  Karyn says she is allergic to peanuts so she won't be eating any of these.  She has a very long list of foods she can no longer eat so it is very difficult to cook for her and she doesn't l

April 11, 2016 Yes, I am off in another adventure.  Heading back west and north, again.  At least both places have much warmer weather than we were experiencing at home.  Even Alaska has been warmer!  My crocus were out for a day or two and then buried again under six inches of snow.  All of our April showers so far have been snow showers so I am excited to be heading west to warmer weather. I left Kate's at our usual 6:00 starting time.  It was extremely foggy most of the way to East Lansing but at least the roads were clear and dry.  Agnes was hanging out upstairs when I left she was not at all excited to meet Kate's dogs yesterday.  She hide under the lockers for an hour before I could get her out and moved upstairs.  She did sleep at might feet last night.  I am sure she will do fine there. Looks like we are going to have a fun conductor in our car on this trip.  He seems to be very jolly so far.  The lady sitting in front of me is a retired school teacher out

April 8, 2016 Snow, Snow and more snow!  I believe this is one of the snowest Aprils we have had in a very long time.   Last week we got 8 inches and it has been forecast that next week will we get an additional 3-5.  And the snow has not melted as it has been to cold.  I will miss most of it though as I am leaving on Monday for Washington and warmer weather as they have had 70 degrees out there this past week.  Plus it has been waermer in Alaska than here too. I have decided to take an online creative writing class hopefully to help with writing this blog.  I hope it makes the blog more fun to read as I learn new tricks to add interest to my stories.   Monday I will be leaving on the train again on my way to Mount Vernon then on to Alaska for 10 days.  I am looking forward to spending 10 day with my grandchildren.  I am sure we can come up with some fun things to do while I am there.   Getting back on my low carb meal plan has been difficult as I really want to each

April 3, 2016 Here it is the third day of April and we are still getting snow!  Today we are under a winter advisory with an anticipated accumulation of 4-6 inches of new snow.  I am ready for spring and warmer weather.  I have flower seeds to plant and how I wont get to plant until after I get home from my trip.  Now at the end of the day we have close to 8 inches of new snow on the ground and it is still coming down.  According to the weather forecast the snow should continue until about six in the morning. I have been making lace the last couple of days.  Looking for lace edges that are made sideways.  Short rows that build on each other to the length that I want.  I have found three so far.  Not sure what I will end up doing with the lace but is fun just making short samples that show I can do it. Sample 1 Sample 2 Sample 3 I also finished a red shawl.  I did not have a pattern just a stitch I wanted to do.  The shawl is smaller than I would have liked.

March 26, 2016 Just ordered my second child sized mannequin.  This one should be the right size for two of my little girls I am sewing for.  I only need one more to fit an eight year old, then I should be all set for a few years.  The girls I sew for start out at three and go to eight right now.  There are six of them for the time being.  I need to get busy on the  summer dresses I have picked out for them.  I only have the first one partially finished for a five year old. I am leaving in about 15 days for my trip to the west coast and Alaska.  I have not decided how long I will be gone might be eight weeks or more.  Depends on how I feel and if they get tired of me being there.  I do not yet have a return ticket.  At least I will have access to a sewing machine and I know several projects have been lined up for me to work on.  Plus I have a couple of knitting projects that I need to finish both are shawls one is almost finished and the second one will be a challenge.  It is all wo

March 20, 2016 A new twist has been thrown into my world.  Yesterday was garbage day and my cousin and I have been doing the garbage collection for several years.  We used to go get breakfast after we dropped off the garbage.  The he went on a vegan diet and stopped going to breakfast.  However he still picked up the garbage to took it to the transfer station.  That is until a few weeks ago.  He stopped calling to schedule a time to pick up and I just made sure I had it ready and outside for him.  Then yesterday he called and said he no longer wish to be responsible for picking up my garbage.  No reason given, no explanation.  said he was not willing at this time to discuss it with me.  I did question if I had done something to upset him and he said yes but would go no further.  Stating he need to discuss with his counselor before he was willing to talk to me.  I suggested it might have something to do with a certain person and his comment was he expected I would go there.  Said he w

March 6, 2016 Well, I have been home a week now and nothing much has changed here.  Had dinner with dad and Martha two nights, while Sherry was still here.  Martha is still not engaging with me during a conversation.  Guess I am still on her "Do Not Talk To List!"  Makes it so much easier for me to just stay at my house!  If dad needs me he will call me or someone will let me know. My train trip home was uneventful I didn't even see any really interesting people on the return trip.  I did talk with one woman who went to a Spring Arbor College in 1965 and 66.  She didn't seem to know any of the people I knew, or could think of at the time.  So we didn't have much of a conversation. Some of the scenery was exception, especially the sunrise and sunsets over the mountains.

February 24, 2016 Mount Vernon, WA My last night has arrived.  Tomorrow I leave to go home.  It has been a long vacation and it will be nice to get home for a few weeks then I will be right back out here. After we left Deception Pass we stopped for a snack.  Kathy talked me into having a fish taco.  I have never had one as it just did not sound appealing to me but in fact it was very tasty.  They made it with deep fried halibut, lettuce and tomato.  I think I might even have one again. We arrived at Jill's about 4:30 and I was exhausted, ready to go to bed.  Jill still had flute ensemble so she took off to pick up the other members.  I was sleeping when she got back but she accidentally woke me up.  Victor was able to put the futon down so I actually had a flat bed.  It didn't take long and I was out again. Yesterday morning I was up and had breakfast with Jill at 5:30, I think.  I went back to bed and slept until 9:30 when I got up and got dressed.  I thought Anne was

February 23, 2016 Mount Vernon, WA Back in Mount Vernon for a couple of days and then the train home.  I should be home Sunday, it will feel good to be back to my own stuff even though I have enjoyed every minute if my trip.  Six weeks has been a very long time to be away. My flight out of Akaska was very exciting!  It had snowed all night and all morning, then it rained for a couple of hours and turned back to snow.  K called the airport to see if flights were getting out and they were so we left in plenty of time to get to the airport and get a quick bite to eat.  We arrived at the airport only to find out that two flights had been cancelled and the one that just left was returning.  The storm had arrived in Anchorage and the plane could not land.  So, I stayed at the airport while K did some shopping, she returned to make sure I was going to fly out then she went on home.  My flight did leave about 50 minutes late but I had a two hour window originally so that was fine.  This p

February 18, 2016 1:00 am Krazy Karyn Farm Soldotna, Alaska Today I have been here a week!  The kids are doing much better, almost acting like normal.  Karyn did take the, to the doctor and got the, some meds.  Both Kathel and Maybel have ear infections but the meds have made all the difference and only have two doses.  They do have 10 days worth and it is gritty and neither one wants to take it so it will get harder and harder as the days go by. Last night I went to hockey practice to watch the boys play hockey.  It was fun, they divided the rink into three practice areas and the group into three groups and each are practiced a different play.  I only could figure out the first rink were they were shooting the puck into the net.  The middle rink I didn't get at all and the last rink they pushed a ball around with their feet.  Then in the end they played a game of a minnow and sharks.  A few of the kids start out in the middle and they Are the Sharks as the skaters go by th

February 12, 2016 Soldotna, Alaska Well the Grand Adventure of 2016 continues but with a surprise twist!  I am now in Alaska!  My daughter needed help when her children all became sick with some kind of flu.  She even thought she was going to come down with it so she purchased a round trip ticket from Seattle for me to come help her out for ten days.  Sure hope I don't catch it!  Her oldest is a week into this and has finally been temp free for two days.  Her second son was sick during the night, could be the beginning for him and her daughter is on about day three.  They all sound congested and they are all coughing. She has left me with the kids to go do some shopping in town, groceries and some remodeling supplies she needs for her remodel.  The kids are being good for me but is what I expected.  So while they are playing I need to go clean up her stove which she refuses to do.  I have no idea why either. My flight up here was uneventful not even any interesting people wa

January 29, 2016 today was the day that DirecTV came out to see about doing an upgrade.  It didn't happen!  The technician, Ashley, could not communicate with the satellite She tried several possible sites but the trees were just to tall and blocked the line of sight for the dish to the satellite.  Anne agreed to getting the trees topped but another technician is going to come out for a second opinion.  Then it will require a call to someone to come top the trees. unless we can call and find out if cable comes out this far.  So we still have an option, maybe. Jill and Victor went to the apartment and were able to get some measurements so Jill can figure out what furniture she can actually move into her new place.  The big move is next Saturday and I will be here to help her out.  Then I am going to head home the next weekend.  She and her mom are not anxious for me to leave, but I will be back out in April on my way to Alaska.  Then again in the fall when Patty and Kristi come

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 29, 2016 Was a quiet day at home.  At last I was able to do some sewing.  Have three chenille potholders ready to finish and a pansy ready to top stitch. Next week I plan on working on s blouse for Anne.  Have two patterns I am putting together to make one that I think she will like.  Long sleeves, with a collar and a long shirt tail.  We picked out some pretty lavender fabric with butterflies on it.  It will be really pretty if I can get ti worked out. Tomorrow DirecTV will be here t noon and 4:00 so we had to cancel out on helping Jill with the measurements in her new apartment.  Not sure we will even get to spend any time with her this whole weekend.   Next weekend will be very busy with the move in and settlement.  I plan on spending Saturday night with here and we can work late getting every thing put away.  s We finally made it to Applebee's for our Long Island Tea, unfortunately I had three, but I did have some chicken quesadillas a

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 28, 2016 Yesterday was mostly spent quietly at home doing not much of anything.  I made a few calls regarding the power cord for the sewing machine.  Looks like I might be able to get one at the Quality Sewing Machine and Vacuum store next door to Joann"s.  So after Bible study on our way back home we will stop and check that out. Bible study is at 11:00 in Burlington and I know Anne enjoys her time with the ladies and is anxious for me to meet them so it will be interesting.  Anne has requested I take my tatting with me as long as I do not work on it during the actual study time.  She thinks some of the ladies will find it interesting and remind them of long ago days and moms and grandmas who might have tatted back in the day. We went to Mount Vernon Cafe & Lounge for steak supper last nigh.  the steak was wonderful and tender we had a salad.  I had a couple of drinks to go with my dinner and my bill was only $16.00, the waitress/bar

Every morning in the quiet of the day My mind races  with things I might  say. There was an explosion in my head of many things I left unsaid. I wonder if I could ever share Those images my mind did snare.

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 25, 2016 It was a lovely warm day here on Little Mountain.  We hung out at home until 1:30 then we left to go meet Jill near Bellingham for lunch at Bob's Burgers and Brew.  I had the Senior Mini Special, a salad with one piece of cod and two prawns.  It was delicious.  Along with that I had a Raspberry Creamsicle, a very delicious and creamy drink.  But I only had one.  We had a great time catching up with Jill and finding out how her packing for the big move was coming along.  Slow but she is trying to get organized, she only had two weeks then the move is on.  I believe she is still excited to be getting back out on her own again.  From Bob's we went to Walmart, I bought a cutting mat, a straight edge and a rotary cutter.  I can cut some potholders tomorrow and get some sewing started.  Anne picked up some fabric for a new shirt.  I think as soon as we find a pattern it will be on the cutting board.  After that will work in outfits for

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 24, 2016 Today started out to be a quiet day at home, but that didn't last long!  Bruce called and asked us to come up for dinner, but because we had already made a plan with Jill we asked them to come here.  Which was great even though we were planning on each family as a separate day for dinner so we could give them our undivided attention.  Sylvia is on an elimination diet due to some medical issues so we had to revamp our dinner plan.  We were having a lot of garlic in them, backed chicken dummies, sauteed squash, and bread.  Originally I was going to do backed garlic Brussel sprouts.  So we had to go to the grocery store for the squash. I did laundry first thing and we couldn't leave until the washer finished.  So that delayed the grocery trip.  But we were able to get out and back and still have a couple of hours before it was time for dinner.  We had a lovely dinner and sat at the table for an hour or two after dinner and just vis

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 22 Mt Vernon Another rainy day is Washington, but no surprise as it rains a lot in Washington according to some people.  I do not generally experience rain when I am here, but it is winter and rain is better than snow.  It was probably in the low 50's today, no jacket needed.  I wore a sweatshirt and was comfortable on our early morning jaunt to the grocery store.  We left at 8:00 as we needed to be back before 9:30 for the cleaning crews.  By the time we returned the guys were here cleaning up the debris on the roof, in the yard and down the driveway.  The other ladies arrived before I had the groceries unloaded and in the house.  They got right to work, doing laundry, mopping the floors, sweeping, dusting and other general cleaning.  They were very loud and we were ready for them to leave before they were finished. Today was the first dabble actually fixed dinner at home.  I made my hamburger stroganoff which I like and Anne approved.  Ya

The Grand Adventure of 2016 January 20 Day 7 Mt. Vernon, WA Today was our first down day of my visit.  Nothing on our agenda!  I did two loads of laundry for Anne and found space and a table to use downstairs for the sewing machine.  I had to clean off the table but it will be great and there is a lot of light.  Now just waiting for the machine to arrive, hopefully this weekend. For supper we went out for half price pizza.  We each had an individual ten inch pizza but we had to order off the speciality menu as they were the only ones on sale.  I order one call the Mafia Pizza with ham pepperoni, mushroom, black olive and garlic.  was okay and I ate three quarters of it along with two rum and cokes.  That finish out my day for carbs and calories.  I am still full and it is hours later! Made a quick stop at Walmart so I could get a pair of sweat pants as I only manage to bring one pair with me.  So I picked up two more peppers for snacking on, some diet coke, another head of cau

Day 1, January 14, 2016 The morning started out dark and cold. Getting up at 5:30 in the morning on January 14th didn't help! It has to be one on the coldest days so far this winter at 15 degrees above zero. The snow quit late last night as Sherry didn't have to scrap the windshield at all. Just an easy brush and that snow was gone. Still walking through the snow or standing stupidly you could feel the cold and damp seep right through the soles of your shoes and into your feet. It was so cold you almost felt like your feet were damp which only intensified the cold more. We drove through the dark from Kate's to East Lansing with 45 minutes to spare, time for breakfast if we could have found a decent place to eat. Good thing I brought a couple of breakfast bars with me. Only thing missing is a nice cup of hot tea. The scenery outside my window is very drab due to the season and the contrast with the white snow. But at least pr