The Unloved Women

The Unloved Woman

I stood there at the foot of her bed looking at her and wondering what in her life had made her the bitter old woman that she was.  I am sure it is not where she wanted to be, I know that she wanted to be loved by someone.  Not even her children cared enough to come sit by her side as she laying dying.  I was here and it was not out of a since of duty or love.  Just a concern that no one, no matter how ugly they had been during their life needed to spend their final moments alone.

She had made my life a living hell the last few years as she tried her utmost to separate my family one by one.  She had already destroyed her own family as could be seen because they all refused to come be with her in her final hours.  Again, it was left up to me and I can’t say that I was very happy to be in this position.  But how sad it was to see here alone with not a soul in her family who cared enough to come sit with her during her final hours.  I keep asking myself why I was doing this?  Why did I care enough to sit by her side?  I didn’t care for her sake but for my own.  I knew that I needed to do this for her because I would do it for a stranger who needed a friendly face to give them some sort of comfort.  But would she see it that way?  Would she understand that I was there for nothing more than to ease my own pain.  My reason for being here was not so much to comfort her but to find some means of comfort for all the pain that she has caused my family.  Maybe it was a release of the anger and hurt that I had been holding in all the years she had tried to destroy me and my family.  Maybe I just wanted her to know that she couldn’t drive me away any further than I was willing to go.  Her family had abandoned her to her life of misery and even if I wasn’t a friendly face I was someone she knew.  Maybe somewhere in her conscience she would remember and realize I was not her enemy.  

All I ever wanted was for her to be happy and cared for during her final years, but she wouldn’t allow it.  She resented everything I ever tried to do so I finally gave up and did nothing.  I offered to be of assistance knowing that my offer was falling on deaf ears.  In the end just being civil to her became a trial.  Even though I knew in the deepest part of my being she was just a sick old woman it didn’t really help with the pain that I was feeling.  I wanted to lash out at her and tell her she was just the biggest witch in the county.  That she had driven all of the folks who had befriended her away with her pessimission and bitterness.  She had succeeded on that score, there were no friends that cared to come and visit.  Everyone she ever called a friend had turn their backs on her and walked away from her.  They were tired of hearing the lies and hearing her pat herself on her back for all the good deeds she thought she had done over the years.   

How many times had we heard about all the folks she sat alone with as they died.  The only reason she was alone was because she drove everyone away and would not allow anyone to sit with her during a death watch.  

There were several pictures sitting around the room. From a distance, across the room, they appeared to be of a happy family during various activities. But when I picked up the pictures for a closer look, I could see the smile on her face did not go beyond her mouth. There was still a deep sadness around her eyes that belied the happy family picture. Why? How did the pictures arrive here in her room. Who cared enough to try to make her room seem to include a happy family? I knew that no one had been to see her in a long time. I talked to the nurses about her visitors over the past few weeks. Only one person had been in her room, and she had left the pictures and a handmade blanket. The only touch of any caring shown in the entire sterile hospital room.